129. Love

been rather absent from here lately - despite the fact that i have some major things to write about and a thousand and one pictures to go along with them.....


i'm in the dumps. a number of reasons why. won't bore you with them.


trying to get myself out of said dumps but it's hard. i get one leg over the side and then fall back in. i'm beginning to think my eyes are going to be eternally puffy and red. that my headaches are never going to cease and that eventually what's left of my withering brain is just going to leak out my ear...


the bright side to all this garbage is chris. no matter what i'm crying about or hopeless about - he's there for me. he understands me - or at least tries really hard too (i hardly understand myself sometimes....). he's amazingly patient. no matter what is going on it's made a bit brighter just knowing that i have him as my best friend.


despite what i may think and feel sometimes - deep down i know i'm the luckiest girl around :)

124. WOW (again...)

We're Married!

(just you never mind the food stuck in my teeth...)

more updates coming soon. promise. just got back from london. been up for almost 20 hours. why am i not sleepy you ask? a combo of nerve pills, nyquil and then the massive caffine pill of a headache med i took for..well...my headache. so far no relief from headache but a major 'deer in headlights' look on my face....sort of like the one above....

119. Most is Good

today is tuesday

i'm so smart, right?

last night i got home and decided it was time to do a weigh-in along with measurements. the last time i did this was on february 19th. i lost a total of 4.8 pounds (although i prefer the total of 6 that the Wii fit gave me...). i also lost a total of 7.5 inches. one of those inches was from my lower arm and another half inch from my upper arm! i was shocked! granted i've been working my arms like crazy but even when i lost all that weight a few years ago i didn't lose a thing from the arms. so - i was very happy. i just wish i could actually see the difference......

after writing that post yesterday and getting carrie's response i did up a master list last night. and it turns out it wasn't as bad as i thought it was. i'm only in need of 4 addresses! i had all of the other ones - on bits of paper - luckily they were all in one place. so i unnecessarily freaked out. it happens, right?

found out i have to tweak the seating chart. had a few add-ons. shoudln't be a problem. and like i said - no one is going to be chained to their chairs. i don't think i sat any mortal enemies next to one another so there should be no battles.

still working on the groomsmans gifts. but they should be done and in the mail tomorrow. again - hopefully.

everything is set for the ceremony. vows are done. wine ceremony supplies are ready to go. my sister is doing a reading. my brother-in-law is going to be singing. the only problem is we haven't been able to touch base with the officiate. but she's a good family friend and i know she's been busy lately - so i'm not worried. regardless - chris and i will be married when all is said and done.

and not that this has anything to do with anything but the wedding liscense for the county we live in is butt ugly. and now you have to have four witnesses! crazy. plus - i was always under the impression that we would sign our liscense but no - our names our just typed on there. we don't sign anything. that just seems stupid to me.....

i'm eating a banana right now.

oh - been getting some good music selections so thanks :) one i forgot about but am so glad it was brought to my attention is 'celebrate' by kool and the gang. i love that song :)

is it normal for brides who have otherwise been find and calm enter a brief freak-out phase. one that might involve tears and contemplation of why they just didn't elope like a sane person? i'm sure it is. that happened to me the other night. and the thing that set it off was so small - so meaningless. hmph. all is good now. :)

i'm rambling. so i'm going to just go ahead and stop. 11 DAYS!

114. So True

especially me

113. Fake

i'm back. let's see how long my attention span will last tonight.....


observation: typing with fake nails on a laptop sucks balls.

my mom has a wonderful lady that does massages and nails - she's even going to be doing the flowers for my wedding! she gave my mother something called a fiber wrap on her nails to help them grow faster and stronger. i wanted to get something like this. i'm a nail biter and i have no problem with this - but it means i don't have the prettiest nails. not that cared very much but i thought i'd be nice to have them looking halfway decent for the wedding. i decided to get a fiber wrap too.

now granted - i was a dumbass. i didn't do the proper research. i walked into one of the many nail salons this town has to offer and asked if they did fiber wraps - okay - i forgot it was called a fiber wrap and i asked for a nail wrap. regardless - the lady inside said they could do this service. never having had anything done to my nails - ever - i had no idea what to expect.

so i sat there. i sat there while this lady did a bunch of crap to my nails. while she spoke in a language i didn't recognize to her other co-worker. while she spoke on her cell phone to her friends. so awkward. it was one of those things where i knew i should have said something or just left but i thought i was getting what i asked for. and having no one speak english to me for more than few sentences kinda threw me off my guard. and in the end i ended up with fake gel nails. and while they're not long long - they're long to me and driving me nuts. plus i woke up at 1am from my fingers being in so much pain!

all morning at work i searched for a place to remove them. out of about 18 nail salons in the area only one spoke english and actually understood what i was asking when i called. unfortunately they didn't provide gel nail removal. and all the while i'm hearing/reading stories about how incredibly painful the removal process is and how bad these gel (powder gel) nails are. how awful my nails are going to look when i get them removed. how they aren't going to be healed in time. how i'm going to be in severe pain. good god. finally a co-worker suggested i call the beauty school in town. i do and low and behold they speak english! the lady in charge of the nail department explained the process to me - that they don't soak and pop off the nail - they file it down. and that the only way it would be painful is if someone filed too deep. but she promised that they would leave a very thin layer of the gel on (not enough to notice) but enough not to hurt my actual nail.

i have an appointment tomorrow right after work. i cannot wait! i can't stand having this shit on my nails. i woke up this morning and scratched an itch in my nose - gave myself a freaking nose bleed. once these things are off i'll attempt to be kind to my nails and perhaps get a little manicure before the big day but after that - bring on the nail biting. there are far worse habits i could have.....


now that that is off my chest....


the wedding is right around the corner! i can't believe it! not too much left to do....

friday kristin is coming over to help me burn cd's for the favors. i ordered a bunch of cd packaging kits that should be really cute so i'm excited. now if i could actually make the playlist for those cd's.....

i had another dress fitting this past saturday. the dress still fits. i could stand to lose a bit of back fat - more on that in a minute. as i was standing there looking at my dress i couldn't help but notice those annoying bits of chub right next the arm-pit. it's like a mini-boob. yuck. i asked the lady helping me out there was anyone out there who did not have those. she said even the really skinny girls have them becuase the corset bra pushes everything up up up. then she looked at me and said 'you know - i don't think you need that corset bra!'. so she took it off and wow! the dress looked so much better! those bits of chub went from being the size of a small plum to being the size of a little walnut :) what a relief! and it saved me $80 on that damned bra :) yay!

i only have one more appointment before the wedding! luckily kelly will be at this one - she's going to learn how to do the bustle on the dress. thanks kelly!! :)

back to fat - back fat that is. (i'm lame - i know this) after seeing the back of me i made a pledge. i do the treadmill about 3 times a day for 20 minutes a shot. i usually get up each morning and do one of these bouts. only now i do 3 sets of 20 push-ups before the treadmill and 3 sets of 20 after. i started on sunday night and have stuck to it :) and you know - i thought it would be arms and shoulders where i'd feel it - but nope - it's my abs! nice to know i'm working more than i thought i was :)


alright. i'm gonna go get ready for bed. i can't take anymore of this fake nail typing. hopefully tomorrow goes well!

100. Thank You

this past weekend was my first shower and also my bachelorette party. all hosted by my friend and matron of honor - carrie :)


it was AWESOME!


i have lots to blog about in regards to it and maybe even a few pictures to post. hopefully i'll have time to do that tomorrow night.


in the meantime i just want to say Thank You to carrie. i really don't know how to tell you enough that i had a fantastic time. it was way beyond anything i was expecting - awesome! i also want to thank everyone who came! i was really touched :)


more to come! :)

94. Tic-Tac

i've become obsessed with orange tic-tacs. a container a day. it satisfies my sweet tooth without all the crap. now if only someone would leave me an entire mailbox full alla juno.....

2 hours 20 minutes till i get to go home.

chris and i are going to run over to the wedding shoppe and finalize the tux order tonight. very happy about that. i think it might cost a bit more than other places but they had the exact colors i wanted. their customer service was way better! the place we checked out in duluth the girl looked like she was bored beyond belief and was rather rude in my opinion.

hmm.

that's all i got right now.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

86. Just Shoot Me

call me a bitch but i think that people who consistantly watch those daytime judge shows are trash.


where is the mental stimulation? entertainment? is watching people who somehow snaked around natural selection spat about about their bullshit amusing? it's pathetic.


it's also extremely annoying when it's being blared on a t.v. directly across from me at my job. i can't escape it. i want to fucking poke out my eyeballs with my own fingers. and what makes it even worse is that the two people watching it are actually discussing episodes they've seen in the past and seem to have a vested interest in it.


trash.


and good god - the commercials are too fucking loud. turn the god damned t.v. down. or better yet - unplug it.


AHHHH!

80. Dark Brown Costs Extra....

so i mentioned last night that i ordered our cake topper.


while it was a bit more than i originally thought i was pleased. it's more customized than most and will make a nice keepsake.


i looked at the webiste again this morning just becuase i wanted to see the topper again. admire it. then i noticed that it said 'strapless gown variation not available on this model' - that's fine. i'll take the version wtih strapes but they let me click on the strapless option and then charged me for it. they also charged me to change the color of chris's helmet when i noticed this morning that that should be free. hmph. so i sent an e-mail to them explaining that i would like those extra charges removed. hopefully they get back to me soon!


i also thought it was a bit odd that my hair color (dark brown) cost extra. if i had blonde, light brown, red or black it was free. but for the groom to have dark hair was free. what?


ah well. hopefully this all gets resolved. i really like this topper despite the hassle.

UPDATE: the company e-mailed me back this afternoon and got everything straightened out. if i hadn't been so blind i would have seen the mistakes i made when ordering - oops! but the topper should be here by the end of march. yay!

77. Holy Poppins!

guess what!?

we are going to LONDON!

now. let the panic attacks start as i begin to think about that the fact that we actually have to fly to get there.....

66. 36

HAPPY 36th BIRTHDAY BABY!

56. THANK YOU!

54. I'll be how old tomorrow??

yeah. my thoughts exactly.

49. Blah.....

have not posted in about a gazillion years - or so it seems. must get life in some kind of order. list of things i have needed to do but never seem to do are......


1. remember birthdays. i suck at this. i never get cards/gifts out on time. ever. facebook is making remembering easier. unfortunately i rarely log on to it anymore....


2. wedding stuff. still have not updated site. still have not written glowing things about my wonderful friends who are going to be a big part of that day (i love you all - really!). still have not sent out wedding parties information to other people in wedding party despite promising to have it out by last sunday.


3. have not made out a budget for chris and i. talk about it at least three times a week and have still done nothing.


4. exercising. i did it tonight and hope to do it more. cannot have back boobage on my wedding day. cannot.


5. applied for jobs. talk about it. have done nothing. how exactly i plan to move and pay bills without doing this is beyond me.


6. eat healthy. damn smarties. damn ice-cream with sprinkles.


7. not stress so much. (if anyone figures out how to do this please tell me)


8. clean out car. it's a mobile garbage can. gross.


9. learn how to fix mistakes in knitting. this way i'll avoid crying when i screw up.


10. figure out what i want to do with my life. preferrably before i die.


11. show appreciation for my friends more. it's all inside - tons of great ideas and sentiments - just need to start projecting them.


12. seriously stop stressing. i feel an attack of vertigo on the horizon and this makes me very unhappy (and sick)


that's what i got for now. must go drink lots of water before i get even sicker. damned ears.

42. Correct me if I'm Wrong....

...but am i the only one more than slightly upset over this whole russia/georgia conflict - and not for the reasons that everyone else seems to be?


georgia invaded the semi-independent region of south ossetia on august 8th. although technically a part of georgia this region is made up predominately of people who speak russian and also carry russian passports and has claimed their independence since the early 90's. in response russia went in to defend these people (russia also claimed that georgia had killed russian peacekeepers and was also commiting acts of ethnic cleansing).


after this everyone seemed to jump down russia's throat at once. i am by no means pro-russia but in this instance it seemed to me that they had a valid point and that georgian president mikhail saakashvili was unprovoked in his attack on south ossetia. i was driving home one day and listening to people being interviewed who lived in the area of georgia where the russian army had destroyed at least two apartment buildings and they were furious with their arrogant president for having started this whole mess.


saakashvili claims that russia took advantage of the fact that the worlds attention was focused on the olympics when it invaded georgia. i'm sorry saakashvili - but wasn't it your country that invaded south ossetia on august 7th - right before the start of the olympics? so who took advantage of what here?


now today i hear on the way home that russia has decided to recognize the independence of not only south ossetia but also of abkhazian. this evidently did not follow the guidelines of the cease-fire that russia and georgia agreed to which stated that that decision would be discussed during further negotiations.


now i just glazed over most of this but am i wrong in thinking that the west has backed the wrong man in this conflict? to me - saakashvili comes off as a rather arrogant prick who got himself into a rather tight spot out of his own stupidity and is now crying that russia is bullying them. no one i talk to seems to not know or care much about this and that makes me even more upset. creating any kind of tension with russia right now when our military is stretched the max and beyond seems like the worst possible thing we could be doing. and the fact that both presidential candidates seem to back georgia does not ease my mind......


thoughts? opinions? is there something perhaps i do not know? like i said - correct me if i'm wrong....

33. The Cats

not a whole lot going on today that warrented a blog - but i felt the need to anyhow....so....here are some pictures of my cats......

very exciting, no?

23. Stiff Neck

i've gone and done it. stressed myself to the point where it literally pains me to move my neck.


fuck...i hate my job.

20. In Other News....

Holy Crap! Our Wedding is in less than 300 days!


i'll post more about wedding related things at a later date - but in the meantime - i need suggestions about wedding websites. i'm not happy with the one i'm currently using (ewedding). i'm finding it annoying to navigate and so are some other people i've talked to.


so - send me your suggestions! thanks :)

19. Rough Start

today - like most days i guess - i did not want to go to work. but since 'turning this new leaf' and trying not to complain/hate my job i tried to figure out why. why i've dreaded (often times to the point of tears) going to work. it's happened at pretty much every job i've ever had. i think i have an idea....


anxiety


i suffered from it in college - to the point where i physically could not leave my dorm. i've felt attacks a couple of times since - usually at social gatherings where i may only know one person and am just 'out of my element' (aka knitting on the couch). it can be pretty severe in the mornings before work (although the tears have been absent thank goodness) but usually by mid day i've calmed down. i don't know if it's anxiety - i don't feel particulary anxious about being around co-workers and people coming in. i think the anxiety stems from not wanting to leave home. i'd be much happier and content to stay put. not that i want to become a hermit - far from it. but being 'forced' to leave somehow bothers me.


i know how lame all this might sound. i'm 27 years old. i'll have to do some research into this and see if i'm onto something. i think i've tried to explain that anxiety away by dumping it out as a hatred of my actual job - when in reality i don't (well i do but not as much as you might be led to believe reading this blog or talking to me).


so....those are my ponderings for the day. thoughts? anyone else out there have (or have had) issues with anxiety?

15. Bummed

today was supposed to be good. i had big plans. yet here i sit in my undies blogging. wtf.


i don't really feel like discussing why i'm bummed - i just am. hopefully i'll find a way to rekindle that light at the end of my tunnel - anyone got a blowtorch?