49. Blah.....

have not posted in about a gazillion years - or so it seems. must get life in some kind of order. list of things i have needed to do but never seem to do are......


1. remember birthdays. i suck at this. i never get cards/gifts out on time. ever. facebook is making remembering easier. unfortunately i rarely log on to it anymore....


2. wedding stuff. still have not updated site. still have not written glowing things about my wonderful friends who are going to be a big part of that day (i love you all - really!). still have not sent out wedding parties information to other people in wedding party despite promising to have it out by last sunday.


3. have not made out a budget for chris and i. talk about it at least three times a week and have still done nothing.


4. exercising. i did it tonight and hope to do it more. cannot have back boobage on my wedding day. cannot.


5. applied for jobs. talk about it. have done nothing. how exactly i plan to move and pay bills without doing this is beyond me.


6. eat healthy. damn smarties. damn ice-cream with sprinkles.


7. not stress so much. (if anyone figures out how to do this please tell me)


8. clean out car. it's a mobile garbage can. gross.


9. learn how to fix mistakes in knitting. this way i'll avoid crying when i screw up.


10. figure out what i want to do with my life. preferrably before i die.


11. show appreciation for my friends more. it's all inside - tons of great ideas and sentiments - just need to start projecting them.


12. seriously stop stressing. i feel an attack of vertigo on the horizon and this makes me very unhappy (and sick)


that's what i got for now. must go drink lots of water before i get even sicker. damned ears.

18. Updates

so......where to begin....


my dad is doing alright. i ended up driving up on friday morning to be there during his angioplasty. everything went very smoothly. the doctor explained everything to us and let us know what needed to be done - mom seems pretty determined to make sure everything sticks so that makes me happy. i know for a lot of people it seems like a no-brainer....he has to work out and eat right! but how many of us actually get around to sticking to that change. we do it for a couple of weeks and then kinda fall off track. granted most of us don't have such extreme circumstances but often times having those makes the changes even harder. so - i'm just hoping they make a good go of it and becomes a lifestyle change. i want them both around for many many years to come!


on saturday evening chris and i atteneded the wedding of a fellow firefighter. everything was going dandy until the father daughter dance begun. i think it all hit me then - the severity of the whole situation. i was actually suprised at how calm i'd been considering what an emotional freak i am most of the time. as soon as they started dancing though i lost it. chris took me outside and we walked and talked until i felt better and was able to return. so yeah - it's tough.


wow. yeah......


in other news - i had an interview at the history center. i didn't tell anyone about it so as not to jinx it but well....didn't matter. when i arrived she let me know right away that they had posted the position wrong - it was not a full time permenant position but rather a part time temporary! ugh. whatever though - i still wanted it. ticketing, answering phones, and doing coat check for an upcoming exhibit. i got the call today - evidently i'm not qualified enough to check coats. double ugh.


but...i'm trying not to wallow in self pity. trying. i'm also going to try and stop freaking out about how much i hate my job. the things i complain about are petty and retarded. i inherited my dads temper and seeing how much his blood pressure affects his health and just everything has made me realize i need to calm down. i know this won't happen over night but i'll work on it. perhaps i'll learn yoga.


more later.......