70. oh darling...

...please believe me...


gosh i love the beatles. love them. listening to them right now. been awhile since i rocked out to some music. did my little chair dance. wrote a bitchy blog.* oh wait.....


work has been okay lately. still not challanged. but still employed which considering the state of things right now is nothing to turn my nose up at. but today i did.


don't get me wrong. there are days when i love the fact that i get paid to crochet and knit all day. today was one of those days. but i didn't love it. instead i had this awful mind numbiness take over my brain. that kind that makes you crabby about pretty much everything. that was me today.


blah.....


i got home. threw my bags and coat and the floor. felt like i wanted to scream at something. someone. anything. instead i checked my e-mail (our internet has been down since friday night and just started working again today!). i got a lovely comment from my carrie in regards to my previous post. that made me smile and brightened my mood a bit.


then i went over and read dolce's blog. she had a lovely post about her husband that made me sit back and realize that chris was just like that. it made me smile. it also made me realize that there was no reason for the funky shit of a mood i was in. it made me appreciate him all over again. when he came out of the other room (where i think he had been hiding from me and my mood) i told him i was sorry for being such a turd. i love that man. a ton.


after that i continued reading her blog and realized she gave me an award for my blog. :) never had one of those. it made my day. i think she was one of the first non-real-life-friends to comment on my blog and i've been hooked on hers ever since. so thanks dolce! you are fabulous :)


and now i'm off to spend some time with that hunk of a man i'm engaged to! i had more to post but i'll save that for another time :)


*it's been brought to my attention (on more than one occasion and mostly by my mother) that i should watch what i'm blogging about. watch my language. yet she didn't mind (and in fact liked) the one blog i wrote that i deleted out of worry of offending her. hmm.....

69. Pajama Party

reasons to have a theme wedding. more specifically - a pajama party themed wedding.

1. let's face it. you're not going to lose that weight before the wedding. you will end up having six boobs in your dress unless a miracle occurs and they are able to 'let the dress out' enough to fit your fat self.

2. wearing pajamas for your wedding would be way more comfortable. if it were just you it might be awkward - that's why you theme the whole wedding around your comfort.

3. how were you supposed to know that the fucking chinese new year would affect when your dresses would be made. you knew you were supposed to order them soon but 4 days from now! who has the time for that? and your bridesmaids probably won't be happy about shelling out the dough on such short notice. instead of becoming bridezilla you've become the un-bride. the bride-to-be who does notta in preparation for her big day.

4. you've always wanted to throw a theme party. mainly a halloween costume party but may is hardly the time for that. well...unless you wanted to be completely wacky...and i suppose theming your wedding after a pj party is not entirely normal. even google had not results when you typed it in.

5. your mom thinks it's a cool idea. just so long as you wear that dress she bought you for at least the ceremony. (must buy black veil to cover up back fat)

seriously though folks. i'm lost here. i know i'm not great with planning. hell - if i were then i'd be thin and healthy and have a more fulfilling job. but instead i'm fat and sit on my ass all day long. so this wedding planning business isn't going to well.

a theme wedding is sounding so much easier right now. maybe not a pj party. any ideas?

68. More of the Asshole....

i was just thinking some more.....


what i meant to get across before is that we live in this society of instant gratification. we have to have everything now! now! now! and if we don't get it now! now! now! then we throw a massive fit.


we got ourselves into this mess by our need for instant gratification and i just don't think that applying the same method to get ourselves out is going to work. yes - bailing out everyone on planet earth would be lovely. but we all know that the reason most of these people are in such trouble is becuase they were irresponsible to begin with - so what makes anyone think that giving these same fucks a shit ton of money is all of a sudden going to make them responsible? it's stupid.


as much as i hate to say it maybe what this country needs is massively difficult times. perhaps it'll teach us to conserve more. recycle more. save more. lose that now! now! now! impulse.....

67. Bailout Schmailout

is anyone else tired of hearing about all of this bailout crap? about corporate CEO's flying around in luxury jets to beg for money while at the same time refusing to renegotiate their million dollar salaries. about head honchos getting the money and then going on same lavish retreat.


all this and then we have our government telling us to spend! spend! spend!


with what? monopoly money?


i get that things are bad right now. but what i don't get is the spending shit. shouldn't we be saving any money we have? no! no! let's break down the doors to wal-mart - kill an employee - and max out our eighth credit card on a bunch of shit that we don't need! hooray!


i was listening to the radio today and they were discussing the big 3 bailout. this woman was trying to defend them by saying that it wasn't their fault. times are tough right now. people can't get their credit approved to buy cars.


let's back track here. and pardon me if i don't have all the facts - i'm just calling it like i see it. correct me if i'm wrong. 'people cannot get credit approved'. hmmmmmmm......


perhaps people are having problems with their credit because they've bought a bunch of fucking shit in the past that they can't afford. like mcmansions. like houses on wheels that the auto industry calls cars (please. if you seriously went out and bought a hummer because you thought it was cool you're a douche. we all know you just have an incredibly tiny penis). and no i don't feel bad about those people that were duped into thinking that they could afford that big awesome house. you should be able to look at your salary of $50,000 and realize that you cannot afford that $300,000 home.


i suppose i sound like a big witch. i know there are hard working people out there who are in a crap situation that was beyond their control. they did what they were supposed to and lived responsibly. i don't mean to include them in this rant. i'm just talking about the fuckers who think they can go about willy nilly and then hold their hand out the minute it all goes wrong.


urgh. my thought process is just all over and not making sense. i just hate that people who fuck everything up get all this money and the ones who do it all right suffer. ya know?


i graduated high school. college. i work a full time job. yet if i lived on my own i'd be unable to afford my own place to live. i have to pay for my birth control. that one always kills me. the birth control. i work full time and pay for it. there are people out there who can get it for free. pills and condoms - two forms of birth control - free! yet they go out and make babies and then say they need help from the government. screw that shit. sex makes babies. buying all your crap on credit creates debt. common knowledge here.....


i'm going to go relieve some stress now. i'm so cranky i can't tell if i've made a point or just made myself look like a royal ass. ah well....

66. 36

HAPPY 36th BIRTHDAY BABY!

65. What have I been doing?

good question. wish i had an answer.


oh wait. i do. getting fat. the kind of fat where you can feel your belly jiggle when you shouldn't feel your belly jiggle. the kind of fat that makes you wish sweatpants were acceptable attire for the work place. the kind of fat that despite making me feel like complete and utter shit anchors me to my couch.


would someone like to feed me? as in the way your pets get fed. only a certain amount in the morning and a certain amount in the evening. basic nutrients - nothing fancy. no ability to snack. i'd also like someone to volunteer as a drill sergeant. make me work out. make me. please.


at the rate i'm going my wedding dress is going to be displayed on a mannequin as it will impossible for me to fit into without looking like a whale. that is if chris still feels like marrying someone who is a foot shorter but is going to weigh more than him soon.


depressing.


on to other things......


i knocked a stone out of my engagement ring! luckily i was able to find it - such a tiny stone buried in our shaggy bathroom rug! it should be back on my finger again by friday.


i've been getting massively insane headaches that make me want to chop off my head. i've also discovered that imatrex may as well be a sugar cube for the amount of relief it brings me.


humidifiers for adults are incredibly boring. beige. so i bought the one intended for kids - it's a red dragon :)


i bought the humidifier in hopes that it will relieve my eye problem. since friday my eyes have been so painfully dry that having them open fully hurts. eye drops make it worse as they burn my eyes and turn them red.


i could power a car i'm so fucking full of gas. sorry if that is too much information. but seriously. what is wrong with me? no major changes in diet - just full of gas. stress? it's embarrassing. and i just shared it with the world luckily only a few people read this.....


hmmm. perhaps bloated gassiness is related to such a high weight number. fingers crossed. gas easier to get rid of then fat. but i still must get rid of lots of fat. not to be thin but to be healthy.


i think i've figured out what i want to do for our wedding invitations. now if i could just remember to order the supplies!


speaking of the wedding. not that anyone has to bring a gift but...the plates we registered for (at macy's are more than 50% off right now!)


tomorrow chris turns 36! he's in duluth right now which gave me plenty of time to make his cake and wrap his gifts :) (hmmmm....licking the cake batter bowl was probably not good way to lose weight)


chris and i are merging. we are now on the same health insurance. car insurance. renters insurance. we also decided to drop our cable. realized we were becoming mindless drones and also that cable was a major distraction from other things we should be doing - uhhh...like...working out for instance.


we signed up for netflix. probably not going to be good in the distraction area. ah well. tomorrow we should be getting a documentary about the south pole. sex and the city season one and the sopranos season one (i've seen all be the last season and so help me god if anyone ruins it for me.....)


despite vowing to make christmas gifts this year we've instead bought a lot. guess i'll sell those 150 coasters i made......


i'm currently in the process of making five different knitted/crocheted projects. hopefully they get done soon.


it's now 10:53 and i really should be going to bed if i have any hope of getting my larded self out of bed in the morning and on the treadmill before work! i'm hoping my little dragon helps my eye problem and therefore allows a better nights sleep!