i woke up this morning to find my bedroom bright with sunshine! Hooray!!
unfortunately my enthusiam was a bit dampered by the fact that i'd woken up 3 hours earlier with my 6th headache since last Saturday. 6th!
i still have it.....
i'm hoping i can make a doctors appointment next week. if they tell me i can't have the time to do so...well....i don't know what i'll do....
yay sunshine........
Showing posts with label Sunshine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunshine. Show all posts
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
102. Brad Pitt
some more things....
1. i had a strange dream with brad pitt in it last night. no clue why. but he had only 3 children. they were all wearing white pants and long sleeve shirts with these super light aqua marine tunic type things over them. they were also all extremely pale with white blonde hair. we were staying at his moms house. evidently i'd hung out there with him before. the nanny was there. i remember being scared to meet angelina. wierd......
2. the sun was out for a tiny bit this morning. i hope it comes back. if i have to take another grey day i'll fall asleep at my desk. that and it's friday - the afternoon that d-r-a-g-s by. is it 4:30 yet?
3. i realized that my car payment does not have to come out of this paycheck. that means i can afford to buy the bouquet i ordered from etsy. along with the book i had specially ordered. i can also order the candy and cd packaging kits for the wedding!
4. i'm kinda crabby. or just have no patience. i attribute it to the weather, the fact that my eating and exercise schedule is so out of whack and the fact that i'm having yet another cluster headache but have no meds left to treat it :(
5. the cake topper did not arrive last night. hopefully it arrives tonight - i'm excited to see it!
6. i still cannot figure out who sent the mystery RSVP. although i just remembered one person i hadn't thought of before - it has to be her!
7. writing thank you notes is hard. i feel like i'm not fully conveying how thankful i really am.
8. i still need to post about the shower/bachelorette. i will do that this weekend. promise.
guess that's all for now.
1. i had a strange dream with brad pitt in it last night. no clue why. but he had only 3 children. they were all wearing white pants and long sleeve shirts with these super light aqua marine tunic type things over them. they were also all extremely pale with white blonde hair. we were staying at his moms house. evidently i'd hung out there with him before. the nanny was there. i remember being scared to meet angelina. wierd......
2. the sun was out for a tiny bit this morning. i hope it comes back. if i have to take another grey day i'll fall asleep at my desk. that and it's friday - the afternoon that d-r-a-g-s by. is it 4:30 yet?
3. i realized that my car payment does not have to come out of this paycheck. that means i can afford to buy the bouquet i ordered from etsy. along with the book i had specially ordered. i can also order the candy and cd packaging kits for the wedding!
4. i'm kinda crabby. or just have no patience. i attribute it to the weather, the fact that my eating and exercise schedule is so out of whack and the fact that i'm having yet another cluster headache but have no meds left to treat it :(
5. the cake topper did not arrive last night. hopefully it arrives tonight - i'm excited to see it!
6. i still cannot figure out who sent the mystery RSVP. although i just remembered one person i hadn't thought of before - it has to be her!
7. writing thank you notes is hard. i feel like i'm not fully conveying how thankful i really am.
8. i still need to post about the shower/bachelorette. i will do that this weekend. promise.
guess that's all for now.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
74. Sun Status: Peeking
73. Missing: Sun.
dear sun.
please return.
-michelle
yesterday i saw a counselor. my depression has grown. my anxiety has grown. my irritability has grown. my tension has grown. my sense of worthlessness has grown. my anger has grown. my emptiness has grown. in other words i've been feeling like my nerves are about fried. that there is a real chance i might lose my mind.
the counselor. still not sure what to make of him. feeling like i should have perhaps requested a female. not liking the fact that when i left not only did my eyes sting from crying so much but that i felt worse if that was possible.
i've been thinking about why all day. i've come to a few conclusions - none of which i feel like writing about at the moment. i made an appointment with a different counselor. that won't be for another month. i'll go to this first counselor again next week. let him know my feelings. see what he says. determine if it's worth my time.
i know that i shouldn't just hear what i want to at such an appointment but i also know that giving me even more insecurities will not help. at all. that and he gave me a book to read. haven't really started it yet but so far there is a little too much god in it for me. again. we'll see.
in the meantime i'll keep trying to figure out what is going on with me. depression is an extremely lonely place. on the one hand all you want to do is cry and complain. and you do. to those closest to you. to the point where you feel not only stupid (because if you could play back a video of one of your breakdowns you'd realize what a complete buffoon you look like) but like you're driving them crazy.
so then you turn inwards. you try to push it all down. you have no outlet for your emotions except a journal but your hand won't keep up with your thoughts. you start to realize you're causing your body physical harm.
what then? that is where i'm at. the what then. the stuck. the place where you don't feel like hanging out or making idle chit-chat - you just don't have the energy to form the words 'i'm doing fine/good/great' you just don't care. you are alone.
so. if you've been wondering where i've been - there you go. i know i'll be fine but it's hard.
and some sunshine would really help.
please return.
-michelle
yesterday i saw a counselor. my depression has grown. my anxiety has grown. my irritability has grown. my tension has grown. my sense of worthlessness has grown. my anger has grown. my emptiness has grown. in other words i've been feeling like my nerves are about fried. that there is a real chance i might lose my mind.
the counselor. still not sure what to make of him. feeling like i should have perhaps requested a female. not liking the fact that when i left not only did my eyes sting from crying so much but that i felt worse if that was possible.
i've been thinking about why all day. i've come to a few conclusions - none of which i feel like writing about at the moment. i made an appointment with a different counselor. that won't be for another month. i'll go to this first counselor again next week. let him know my feelings. see what he says. determine if it's worth my time.
i know that i shouldn't just hear what i want to at such an appointment but i also know that giving me even more insecurities will not help. at all. that and he gave me a book to read. haven't really started it yet but so far there is a little too much god in it for me. again. we'll see.
in the meantime i'll keep trying to figure out what is going on with me. depression is an extremely lonely place. on the one hand all you want to do is cry and complain. and you do. to those closest to you. to the point where you feel not only stupid (because if you could play back a video of one of your breakdowns you'd realize what a complete buffoon you look like) but like you're driving them crazy.
so then you turn inwards. you try to push it all down. you have no outlet for your emotions except a journal but your hand won't keep up with your thoughts. you start to realize you're causing your body physical harm.
what then? that is where i'm at. the what then. the stuck. the place where you don't feel like hanging out or making idle chit-chat - you just don't have the energy to form the words 'i'm doing fine/good/great' you just don't care. you are alone.
so. if you've been wondering where i've been - there you go. i know i'll be fine but it's hard.
and some sunshine would really help.
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